This is how I know I have been at home too long…

I am no longer allowed to take a shower by myself. All showers are now accompanied by a two year old letting in a cold draft while asking me if she can shave her legs like mommy.

I find myself staring mindlessly at the ceiling while listening to my dog snore from underneath my computer desk. I consider this a relaxing moment in my day.

The other day I told the family dog if he did not stop it with the friggin tennis ball he was going in time out. I then proceeded to count to three.

I am now swapping recipes with other moms. I don’t even like to cook.

I fight over which PBS show to watch. I never win.

Lunchtime has become an acceptable time to have a glass of wine. I am after all, European right?

All of my underwear are cotton.

A night out consists of dinner and a trip to the Christmas Tree Shop.

Potty training always sneaks into my conversations.

I say poopie and pee-pee. (While clapping)

I am waiting anxiously to buy my daughter her first Barbie. I’m hoping Ken is hot.

I read Twilight to pass the time away even though I hated it.

I am excited about looking for a job. What?

I ask people to take me with them when they leave. And I’m serious.